Peaches & Vinegar

When you ask some people how their marriage is, they may tell you everything is all peaches and cream. And if they do, either they are newlyweds or they are lying. I'm not being harsh, I'm just being real.

The truth is, marriage is work. Marriage is hard work. In fact, it's so hard, I think we should start listing as a quality on our resumes how long we have been married for.

We all go into it thinking it is going to be some beautiful fairy tale like we see on the movies or read in a book. It starts out that way (or I hope it does, otherwise you really have a problem) but then life comes along and you really start to know a person. All of the traits and quirks that you didn't notice before, because you didn't actually spend 24/7 with them like you thought you did, come blaring into focus.

It starts off:
"I didn't know that you snore? It's ok, I think it's cute"

And still stays civil:
"Do you really sit in the mirror like this every night and pick at your pimples? That's odd but kind of funny"

Then we start to get annoyed:
"How long are you going to leave that laundry in the dryer for? I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering"

And these little habits turn into hatred:
"Can't you just make the bed when you get out of it? Is it really that hard?"

And then there's no turning back:
"You don't ever listen to me! I can't even live like this!"

Trust me, I speak from experience. My husband Brian and I have been through it. The rain, the storm, the mud, the trenches. I have used the "D-word" more times than I care to admit. By the way, don't do that. It's something you will always wish you never said after you say it. We have gone to counseling, we have cried, and we have prayed. See our problem wasn't an affair, or some event, or big obstacle to figure out. Our problem was, and still is, learning to love all of each other on a daily basis. Loving all of those quirks that were completely opposite from the other. The truth is, you will have good days. And you will have bad days.

My advice is to remind yourselves how and why you fell in love in the first place and to be there for your spouse through the hard times because they will never forget it. I can personally attest that my husband has been my ROCK for the last few weeks through my father's sickness and death. When my father took a turn for the worse, my world was shattered and Brian picked up every piece. And then when my father passed and I crumbled yet again, he was behind me every step of the way. These are the things that I will look back and remember when he and I are having a bad day. I will remember that when the going got tough, my husband was tougher.

I'm not claiming our marriage is perfect now. But we fought for it and it's better than it was. I know we will still have arguments because we are 2 different people coming from 2 different families with 2 different personalities. No 2 people will always agree on everything. If they say they do, again, liars. Sorry, I call 'em like I see 'em. We just have to pray that we get through the argument and continue to love each other. Pray, love, pray, love, and pray some more.

Everything is not going to be peaches and cream every day. I propose instead that a good marriage is more like peaches and vinegar. It tastes awful at first, even for a while actually, but give it time and attention, and you will have yourself a beautiful recipe.