I've heard so much about the stages of grief - denial, shock, anger, etc. For me, all of this can be summed up in 2 stages -admission and submission. And I'm not through either of them yet.
Admission is admitting fully that he is gone. Admitting that he won't be here to see my boys grow up. Admitting that no amount of whiskey shots at his favorite bar is going to bring him back (believe me I tried and all I got was a hangover). This is what others would call denial or shock. I have so many feelings that I think they all fall under the fact that I want to wake up from what feels like a horrible dream where a little girl lost the only daddy she ever had. But I have to admit to the world that this is real. And this nightmare is true.
When I am able to do that, which I am looking forward to, then I can go into the 2nd stage of submission. That means I will just let go and submit everything to God. I need to trust our Heavenly Father to take care of my father. It's so wonderful to be able to comfort other people in their time of grief and tell them "they're in a better place now". But when it happens to your family member or your friend, it's a different story and it feels like life isn't fair.
I love and trust God and I know we live according to His will, but part of me is asking "Wait God, are you sure you came to the right hospital room that day?"
So please pray for me, and anyone else you may know that's going through these stages. Pray we are able to admit it, submit it, and give it to God.
"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4 NIV
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