A bad banana

Have you ever noticed how quickly a banana goes bad when it is separated from the bunch? It can sit in a bowl for a week and be fine as log as it remains attached. The day you break off from the bunch is the end of your banana. That is the true picture of a person with no friends to lean on. 

I recently went through the hardest thing I've had to endure (besides labor) and without my friends, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. I truly don't think your life can be fully prosperous without relationships. 

I have had the opportunity to meet an amazing group of girls from my church whom I instantly clicked with. It was uncanny how the first night we hung out we laughed, cried, and all left saying this was "the start of something good". When my father passed they stepped in, watched my kids, made me food, stopped by (without an invite) just to see how I was doing and checked on me constantly. It was overwhelming, in a good way of course. How great is God to bring these women to me just a few months before I would need them the most? 

I have also made a couple friends at work that are amazing. You would think you get sick of talking to the same person day in and day out but you have so much to relate to and it's like they just get it. You can vent about your day to them because they understand better than your spouse will. I'm grateful to have a job that I love and friends that make the time pass by. 

And then there is my older group of girlfriends who all showed up and held my hand at my father's service. Now these are the girls who I have known for many years. They have seen my pretty side, my ugly side, my good side and my bad side. But mainly they have been by my side and still loved me just for who I was. I honestly thought since we all have had our children our lives have just gotten too far apart. But while I may not talk to some of them for months, at the end of the day, they were there.

So here's the thing, it doesn't matter if friendships are old or new, you just have to have them! When you go through life together, rather than alone, you can prosper and live a longer, fuller life. Just think of what kind of banana you want to be 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." - John 15:13 NIV

Peaches & Vinegar

When you ask some people how their marriage is, they may tell you everything is all peaches and cream. And if they do, either they are newlyweds or they are lying. I'm not being harsh, I'm just being real.

The truth is, marriage is work. Marriage is hard work. In fact, it's so hard, I think we should start listing as a quality on our resumes how long we have been married for.

We all go into it thinking it is going to be some beautiful fairy tale like we see on the movies or read in a book. It starts out that way (or I hope it does, otherwise you really have a problem) but then life comes along and you really start to know a person. All of the traits and quirks that you didn't notice before, because you didn't actually spend 24/7 with them like you thought you did, come blaring into focus.

It starts off:
"I didn't know that you snore? It's ok, I think it's cute"

And still stays civil:
"Do you really sit in the mirror like this every night and pick at your pimples? That's odd but kind of funny"

Then we start to get annoyed:
"How long are you going to leave that laundry in the dryer for? I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering"

And these little habits turn into hatred:
"Can't you just make the bed when you get out of it? Is it really that hard?"

And then there's no turning back:
"You don't ever listen to me! I can't even live like this!"

Trust me, I speak from experience. My husband Brian and I have been through it. The rain, the storm, the mud, the trenches. I have used the "D-word" more times than I care to admit. By the way, don't do that. It's something you will always wish you never said after you say it. We have gone to counseling, we have cried, and we have prayed. See our problem wasn't an affair, or some event, or big obstacle to figure out. Our problem was, and still is, learning to love all of each other on a daily basis. Loving all of those quirks that were completely opposite from the other. The truth is, you will have good days. And you will have bad days.

My advice is to remind yourselves how and why you fell in love in the first place and to be there for your spouse through the hard times because they will never forget it. I can personally attest that my husband has been my ROCK for the last few weeks through my father's sickness and death. When my father took a turn for the worse, my world was shattered and Brian picked up every piece. And then when my father passed and I crumbled yet again, he was behind me every step of the way. These are the things that I will look back and remember when he and I are having a bad day. I will remember that when the going got tough, my husband was tougher.

I'm not claiming our marriage is perfect now. But we fought for it and it's better than it was. I know we will still have arguments because we are 2 different people coming from 2 different families with 2 different personalities. No 2 people will always agree on everything. If they say they do, again, liars. Sorry, I call 'em like I see 'em. We just have to pray that we get through the argument and continue to love each other. Pray, love, pray, love, and pray some more.

Everything is not going to be peaches and cream every day. I propose instead that a good marriage is more like peaches and vinegar. It tastes awful at first, even for a while actually, but give it time and attention, and you will have yourself a beautiful recipe.

The stages of grief

Last Sunday, January 4th 2015, I said goodbye to my father. I held his hand as he took his last breaths and told him that I loved him. It has now been over a week and I think it's actually getting harder each day. Each day a new feeling sinks in, a new realization that I will never see him again. I will never hug him again. I will never hear him laugh again. 

I've heard so much about the stages of grief - denial, shock, anger, etc. For me, all of this can be summed up in 2 stages -admission and submission. And I'm not through either of them yet. 

Admission is admitting fully that he is gone. Admitting that he won't be here to see my boys grow up. Admitting that no amount of whiskey shots at his favorite bar is going to bring him back (believe me I tried and all I got was a hangover). This is what others would call denial or shock. I have so many feelings that I think they all fall under the fact that I want to wake up from what feels like a horrible dream where a little girl lost the only daddy she ever had. But I have to admit to the world that this is real. And this nightmare is true. 

When I am able to do that, which I am looking forward to, then I can go into the 2nd stage of submission. That means I will just let go and submit everything to God. I need to trust our Heavenly Father to take care of my father. It's so wonderful to be able to comfort other people in their time of grief and tell them "they're in a better place now". But when it happens to your family member or your friend, it's a different story and it feels like life isn't fair. 

I love and trust God and I know we live according to His will, but part of me is asking "Wait God, are you sure you came to the right hospital room that day?" 

So please pray for me, and anyone else you may know that's going through these stages. Pray we are able to admit it, submit it, and give it to God. 

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." - Psalm 23:4 NIV

Take a time out!

Someone very dear to me reminded me today how important it is to refresh ourselves. As women we like to take all of the burden on ourselves. Whether we are a working or stay at home mommy. Whether we are single or married. Whether our children live at home or have already left the nest. We all have problems. We all have different stress so we all need to be rejuvenated by God. 

We have to take time out of our day to sit, relax and just do nothing sometimes. Or go get a pedicure. Or go to Starbucks with a new book. Or just go sit outside and look at the sky. Even if you only have 5 minutes. Remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made for God's purpose! He is the source of your strength!

We can only go go go so long without burning out. It's important to those we love that we refresh and come back to our life with a renewed sense of purpose and love. 

Take this following verse and write it down somewhere. Memorize it as I have and say it out loud whenever you feel yourself having a meltdown. I promise you, you will find rest in it. God's word never fails. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28 NIV

A painting of 2 pictures

Let me paint a picture for you. Imagine it is Christmas Eve. You and your family are sitting around the tree in your matching Christmas jammies, periodically gazing over at the fireplace to take in its’ beauty. You’re drinking hot chocolate with the little marshmallows floating on top. The “Christmas Story” movie is playing on the tv and you all laugh when Ralphie shoots his eye out with his Red Rider BB gun, just like everyone told him he would. Then you help your children bake sugar cookies and leave them out for Santa with a cold glass of milk. They include a note telling him how good they’ve been this year. You tuck them each into their own bed and read them “The Night Before Christmas” before kissing them goodnight and telling them you love them, and most importantly God loves them too. The next morning they wake up as soon as the sun is up, and run out of their room in their fuzzy reindeer slippers to see what Santa left under the tree. There is a massive mountain of presents wrapped in bows and ribbons. The rest of the morning is spent opening extravagant gifts and the latest toys, thanking and loving one another, and basking in the happiness of this wonderful holiday.

 

Now let me paint a different picture. It’s still Christmas Eve. A family bundles under as many old blankets as they can because they couldn’t afford to pay their electric bill, so there is no heat in their one bedroom apartment. They drink cold milk that their local church brought over for them. They can’t afford to leave anything out for Santa because unfortunately that would be wasting. They talk about past Christmas’s when times were better and both parents had jobs. They promise their children they will get back on their feet, it just takes time and God will take care of them. They tuck their 3 children into one bed together and all say a prayer that Santa won’t forget them this year. Mom and Dad go to bed on the couch together and cry themselves to sleep wishing they could give their children more. The kids wake up the next morning and walk out to the living room in their socks that have holes in each toe. There are a couple of gifts wrapped in paper grocery bags under a poinsettia plant because they couldn’t afford a tree. Although they have no idea that everything they got is used and from donations, they are just as happy as any other kid to realize that Santa did not forget them. God does take care of them just as their parents promised.

 

Which one of those pictures seems more familiar to you? I know for me, it’s the first one. I’m not painting these pictures to make you feel bad or guilty. Please don’t think that’s my intention. What I am hoping to do is inspire you. The reality is, families like this are all around our communities. They are in our backyard and we can help them. Now is the perfect time to teach your children what Christmas is all about.

 

Let’s have a Christmas cleaning! We all know what a Spring cleaning is. This is similar but much better! Those of us that are living in the first picture I painted and are able to buy our children Christmas gifts this year need to take the next week or two (we have plenty of time!) and clean out our children’s closets, toy boxes, and playrooms. Have your children help you! Tell them that everything they give up or have grown out of is going to go to another family in need for Christmas. If they protest, tell them Santa loves a cheerful giver (and so does God!) and that if they don’t make room for their new Christmas gifts, they may not get any. Hey, sometimes we have to resort to threats. There’s no judgement, it’s for a good cause in this case. 

 

Then take all of your old stuff down to the local shelter or church to give away. I can help you find somewhere to donate if you need. This doesn't just apply to children's toys. We adults need to clean out our stuff too! People ‘Tis the season! Let’s start a Christmas cleaning movement and help families everywhere enjoy their holiday a little bit more. Amen?

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” -Luke 6:38 NIV

When I'm feeling rather unkind

So as I was driving to work this morning and went through the toll, a gentleman in a huge truck cut me off. I was just driving along, speeding back up as everyone does, paying no mind, and he came out of nowhere, revved his engine up and cut me off. My first honest reaction was "Ok buddy!!!!" (I've been working on my language so buddy would have formerly been an a-hole). And then I stopped. And I gave him an excuse. 

My excuse for his cutting me off was "Well clearly his wife is in labor and he's rushing to get there so he doesn't miss his first baby boy being born!" 

And then he proceeded to throw McDonald's trash out of his window as we drove over the bridge and again, I had to dig deep and give him an excuse. For his littering I said "Well obviously he is eating his breakfast on the way to the hospital and the bag caught on fire and he had to get it out of the truck as quickly as possible!" 

More trash followed and I just repeated "it was a big fire, forming fast" 

Now here's the thing, and pay attention: we know his wife wasn't in labor. We know his trash and truck weren't catching fire. But after I made up these ridiculous scenarios I was able to continue my morning drive in peace and serenity. I actually had a few laughs. It wasn't about the truck driver anymore. Or his habit of littering. It was about me moving on and not letting other people affect my mood or day. The truth is, we don't ever know what people are going through or why they do the things they do. We can only control our own words and actions. So wouldn't you rather put a positive spin on something than drag bitterness around like an unwanted thorn? 

Just try it the next time someone makes you frustrated. Give them an excuse. Even if it doesn't take all the anger away, at least it's also engaging your creative side ;) 

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up" -Proverbs 12:25 NIV

It will work this time

As many times as I have started a blog, I have quit. The truth is I love to write! Sit me down with a pen and paper and I'll be good for hours. It's always been my "thing". And lately I feel as though I am really meant to be putting my thoughts out there for anyone who wants to read them. I intend to use this blog as a diary of sorts and be able to share any thoughts or adventures my family goes through. That's the first thing I should explain, the blog name "Famlee". No, I'm not illiterate. My last name is Lee so I've just kind of made a play on the word. I have been married for over 3 years to my husband Brian, and we have 2 boys who are currently 1 (Easton) and 3 (Nolan), I also have a 9yr old stepson (Asher) . Just the fact that I am surviving in my house surrounded by testosterone is blog-worthy enough. We are very involved in our church so you will find scripture, prayers and some devotionals on some days too. And I also love to read so you may hear me talking about books now and then. My hope is that some of my entries will make you laugh, think, cry, or just thank God for all of your blessings. So come along, stay a while, and always feel free to let me know what you think.